I think fair to say that Matt Taibbi despises JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon. Justifiably so in my opinion. See here. And here. Anyhow, that brings us to today (last week actually). Dimon is being Dimon. Taibbi observes and shakes his head in disgust:
So JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon is participating in an investor conference call. This is the semi-regular ritual where a financial executive throws out some already heavily-airbrushed numbers for a select group of financial analysts… Some of the analysts … have a reputation of throwing the occasional brushback pitch, injecting unwanted or uncomfortable questions into the otherwise well-protected narcissistic bubbles in which these CEOs mostly always live…
Mike Mayo of Credit Agricole is supposedly one of those analysts that people in the industry dislike…
So Mayo is on this call with Dimon and he asks [Dimon] a question about capital ratios, i.e. the amount of actual capital a bank has on hand as opposed to debts and liabilities. He notes that the Swiss bank UBS … is saying in presentations that because it has more actual capital on hand than certain other banks – like, say, Chase? – customers should feel safer with them.
Mayo then asks Dimon if he agrees with the notion that customers should feel safer with banks that have higher capital ratios:
MAYO: I think when I hear UBS saying in a presentation, if I’m an affluent customer, I’ll feel a lot more comfortable going to a big bank with a 13 percent capital ratio than to a bank with a 10 percent capital ratio, do you agree with that, or disagree?
DIMON: So you would go to UBS and not JP Morgan Chase?
MAYO: I didn’t say that – that’s their argument.
DIMON: That’s why I’m richer than you.
[Raucous laughter.]
This exchange is priceless on many levels.
For one, Dimon’s first instinct is to obnoxiously misinterpret Mayo’s question, putting words in his mouth, which you can tell he thinks is really clever – he thinks he’s mugging for the crowd, showing how easily he can bully Mayo. But actually all he’s done with his “So you would go to UBS and not JP Morgan Chase?” line is admit that his bank has a lower capital ratio than UBS, something that Mayo only implied, but never came out and said openly. So Dimon thinks he’s pushing Mayo around, and thinking he’s a big tough guy doing it, but actually he’s just helping Mayo make his point. It’s classic.
And the “That’s why I’m richer than you” line is a perfect example of how these guys think. Question: You say two plus two is six, but sir, isn’t it really four? Answer: No, because I have a huge cock. [Unzips.] [Raucous laughter.] That’s really the level these guys think at. If Dimon was reading this joke right now, he wouldn’t even be offended, he’d be flattered, that’s how fucking stupid these people are.